Are there any “rituals” you have, that helped you overcome the issue one way or another? Any repetitive or personal acts – no matter their nature? Rituals, or habitual acts, are known to decrease the level of stress, did you feel so?
Dr. Valentina Faia
Specialist Psychiatrist & Psychotherapist at BioPsychoSocial Clinic
Rituals help bridging the discontinuity created by the loss of the baby in the identity of the parents: the process that had already started psychologically during the pregnancy; they also help the parents to obtain acknowledgment and affirmation of their child identity, who was a real baby and a significant human. In Addition, they provide a structure within which they can process their loss in a socially acceptable way; also they reiterate and maintain the presence of the child in the family woven and narrative; and eventually prevent clinically significant complications of grief, including depression and PTSD.
Nisha Jason
There are rituals which I don’t want to participate which are of temporary relief but I did tried personal act of learning different skills. It does helped me initially keeping me busy however lasted short term.
The reality of heaven, meeting our loved ones in the other shore helped me to accept what happened with the hope I’ll meet my daughter in the heaven. Knowing she is in safer hands of my Savior without pain & suffering I was healing well and kept me going looking toward to that day.
Safiyya Mansoor Lewis
I’ve developed a few personal rituals that help me process and honour my losses. I acknowledge the birthdays of my babies, Eid days and milestones like when I first found out I was pregnant or had a scan, by visiting the cemetery to feel closer to our sons. I also take regular walks by the sea to give myself a safe space to feel and process my emotions. I find the sea incredibly healing!
As part of my healing journey, I share my baby loss and grief journey on my Instagram which almost feels like an online journal and hopefully helps to break down the barrier of talking openly about taboo topics like grief. I also connect with other mamas who’ve experienced similar grief as there is nothing like the support of someone who has been in your shoes. Although nothing truly takes away my pain, these small acts help me hold space for both grief and love, and gives others the space to speak up about their experiences.
Sumana Suresh
After my second loss (TFMR at 20 weeks) I started having regular daily chats with my baby in my head. If I happened to spot a 11:11 I’d tell him I miss him, love him, I’m thinking of him. I find myself gravitating towards the ocean and sea as spaces to think about my baby in quiet. My sense of prayer and faith has shifted inward, I talk to my baby these days to help me make sense of what’s happening. We also planted a tree in his memory, a beautiful magnolia that sits in my sister’s garden and I often go back to seeing pictures of it through the seasons to remind myself that the toughest winters are always followed by spring blooms of my magnolia.
We also adopted a rhino to care for, after our first baby’s loss- this gave us the feeling of doing something in their memory that was meaningful to us.
I don’t think there’s any rituals that can help you overcome loss so large, but I feel some of these rituals reshape how you perceive the grief and help grief become more familiar and less scary.
