Miscarriage, the silent drama. Between those sending unneeded positive thoughts, and those dismissing it as an act of God. How do you handle the issue internally?
Dr. Valentina Faia
Specialist Psychiatrist & Psychotherapist at BioPsychoSocial Clinic
“Death is psychologically as important as birth and, like it, is an integral part of life.”
– C.G. Jung, The Soul and Death
As the founder of analytical psychology explained, rituals related to death are essential expressions of the psyche that serve deep psychological and spiritual functions. In other terms, the rituals around death are not just cultural or religious practices, they are rather symbolic acts that help grievers navigate the transition from life to death. Death rituals in his perspective serve universally people to psychologically process death as a symbolic transformation or passage through life, not as an absolute ending of the individual, thus contextualising and making bearable the pain.
Rituals help bridging the discontinuity created by the loss of the baby in the identity of the parents: the process that had already started psychologically during the pregnancy; they also help the parents to obtain acknowledgment and affirmation of their child identity, who was a real baby and a significant human. In Addition, they provide a structure within which they can process their loss in a socially acceptable way; also they reiterate and maintain the presence of the child in the family woven and narrative; and eventually prevent clinically significant complications of grief, including depression and PTSD.
Nisha Jason
The toughest journey ever which I couldn’t word. Went through so many guilt trips “why? Is there anything I could done to avoid? How could this happen when everything going well? “
Took a while to accept the reality and face the world, my culture which blames “you deserve only if have done a terrible mistake In other words “SINNED”.
Only by the grace of my God and my husband & family support was able to accept “Yes, we lost our beloved child”
Safiyya Mansoor Lewis
I found the best way to process my grief, without letting others minimise my loss or dismiss my pain, was to allow myself to feel every emotion fully. I let myself be angry, heartbroken, hopeful – I felt everything. I also held on to all the memories I had, like bump photos, scan pictures, heartbeat sounds etc, and continue to share them with my closest friends, as it is one of the only ways I can keep the memory of both of our boys alive. Over time, I learned to be gentle with myself and have found journaling my thoughts, reflecting quietly, and acknowledging my own strength as a baby loss mama helps me navigate the heavier grief moments.
Many people confuse religion and culture, creating pressure to shut off from “negative” emotions and only focus on happiness. However, we are humans, made to experience all forms of emotion. I draw comfort from the example of our Prophet Muhammad SAW, who lost children and grieved openly for them, and I focus on this rather than on those who try to dismiss grief with religion, culture, or overly positive thoughts.
Sumanah Suresh
To me, a miscarriage (I HATE this term. It should be called pregnancy loss or baby loss, because nobody is carrying their baby wrong) is an act of nature or science. I repeatedly tell myself that this happened because an embryo did not develop the way it was supposed to for no fault of anyone’s. I try to stay polite when people come at me with un-needed positivity/toxic positivity. I resist the urge to ask how they know, when they tell me I WILL have a baby. And I definitely check out of the conversation if anyone tells me it was an act of god or god’s will. No god wills to take away a person’s child.
