How did medical professionals react to your loss. Did you feel surrounded when the miscarriage happened, or worse, alone with no one able to emotionally speak to or have a dialogue with?
Dr. Valentina Faia
Specialist Psychiatrist & Psychotherapist at BioPsychoSocial Clinic
Maybe because we serve an expat community of highly educated individuals, many of our patients express a desire to comprehend the process and to share their journey with each other and with a wider community of people. Perinatal grief traditionally falls under the so-called disenfranchised grief and therefore is less recognised and supported: collective rituals help grievers define themselves as “worthy of the loss” and to have an actual validation to their feelings. Which shared grief provides.
Nisha Jason
The doctor empathized with me and able to answer all my questions without ignoring me.
In such state I reacted too worse asking so many questions all pointing “HOW CAN THIS BE”
Still the doctor was supportive and gave the reports when I said I am for second opinion.
Now I turn back, I regret my action because she did the best she could.
Safiyya Mansoor Lewis
My first loss was traumatic as I was a tourist in Dubai and at 20 weeks my water broke, and our first son Mikaeel Lewis was born. I had no idea about how insurance worked in the UAE, so I went to the nearest government hospital and they didn’t allow my husband to come in with me. I was alone finding out that my baby had passed away and that I had to give birth in a foreign country. It was the most heartbreaking experience ever. As the hospital was so busy I had zero support, and no one explained the process of birth at 20 weeks to me. It all happened so quickly with no emotional support given at all by the medical teams (both in the UAE and the UK), so I forced myself to get back to “normal” as I didn’t know how to handle my grief or what to expect post baby loss.
My second loss with my son Jibreel Lewis was handled much better. I had a completely different medical team in Dubai, a nurse who held my hand through the checks to confirm I was miscarrying and in labour at 16 weeks, doctors who checked in on me throughout my labour and left me with words of sympathy and reassurance that I was not alone. Post birth, I also had the support of a bereavement team who talked to me about my emotions and what to possibly expect the coming days, weeks and months. The extra support made a huge impact on my mental wellbeing compared to the first loss as I felt like I had a place to go to get guidance or share my thoughts and grief.
The whole experience of baby loss has taught me that grief is not something to rush, and that honouring my emotions, in whatever form they take, is an important part of healing and should not be suppressed due to cultural or societal expectations.
Sumana Suresh
Our first loss was diagnosed in India. My doctor was very sensitive and also clear and firm on what my options were. There was no prolonged conversation about miscarriage and she approached it from a ‘lets move on from this, you will be fine and you can try again’ perspective. Nurses and the team were very sensitive in their care during and after. But there was no emotional support offered. Post this loss I started therapy on my own which was helpful.
My second loss was far more complicated and I struggled with the lack of medical support. My doctor in Dubai just shrugged and told me that these things happen and I should terminate. The abruptness and lack of sensitivity to this conversation still stuns me today. In India the hospital team was fantastic, but the pre-testing diagnostic centre team was incredibly insensitive and made me feel like cattle. I was not alone since I luckily had a lot of family and friends around, but I felt very isolated in my entire experience. Again no emotional support was offered here, but I had therapy to lean on. It would have been great if doctors here and in India had shown me support groups I could turn to, all this was stuff I needed to find out for myself.
Lastly I want to add that postpartum care for loss mums is severely lacking. 6 weeks of physical recovery says nothing for the emotional recovery that takes so much longer, and when PP loss mums are not treated with sensitivity and acknowledged to be mothers who have been through incredible trauma, it takes that much longer to heal.
